Email the Author: Midii Une

Author's Note: I am hopeful that this story will be the the start of something much bigger so I really hope you like it!! Sorry about the delay on Love is a Battlefield, I'm still working on Chapter 4. This story is about the memories of Trowa and Cathrine during the time period after the end of Gundam Wing and before Endless Waltz . . . And BTW, I do know that Cathrine and Trowa are really brother and sister. It's just part of the story that they are but don't realize it ^_~

Time to Remember

by Midii Une

Who would have thought all the mechanical training he had picked up first as a mercenary and then as a Gundam pilot would have come in handy for a project like this. Trowa Barton frowned in concentration as he carefully tried to join the last two pieces of the mechanism together and he cursed softly as yet again they refused to join. He resisted the urge to kick the old piece of junk, walk out into the night and get some air and then go to bed. But tired or not, he had to work on this project now. He didn't get much time to, the circus was more often than not far from its home base on a colony in the L3 cluster. You don't have to work on it, he told himself, no one cares but you and maybe Cathrine. Cathrine, she would support him if he decided he wanted to balance an elephant on the tip of his nose. A rare smile crept over his face at the thought.

Well, he thought, as his eyes roamed over the antique carousel he was painstakingly reconstructing, at least take a break. This thing is delicate and you don't want to make a mistake and ruin all the work you've already put into it. He sat back against a wall and drained a bottled water.

He remembered when he had found the carousel. It was soon after Cathrine had found him, wandering alone on the colony, in the rain without an umbrella or a memory. Despite the heat of the night a shiver ran through him at the memory of he had ended up like that. She had been giving him a tour of the facility when he had felt an urge to look under that huge heap of drop cloths. It had seemed so sad, as sad as the empty feeling in his heart and mind. And it had at least brought back one memory. The memory that he was good with machinery. Cathrine had talked the circus director into letting him work on restoring the old thing. As she had said, it wouldn't hurt anyone if he did and maybe it would make some people happy, if he ever got it working again.

Right now it was looking like a pretty big if.

But Cathrine believed he would, so maybe someday it would work again. The carousel, a symbol of carefree childhood. He wondered why something like that would be important to him. He had always been a soldier, nothing more."

I thought I'd find you in here," the familiar, gentle voice of Cathrine broke into his thoughts. "I came to say good night and to tell you not to stay up too late. How's it coming?"

Trowa merely made a non-commital sound and got back to work. He knew she wouldn't be offended. She understood that he didn't talk much, unless he had something important to say.

Cathrine was impressed. Trowa had certainly transformed that old hunk of junk. She looked at the carousel and a wave of nostalgia overwhelmed her and nearly brought tears to her her kind, violet eyes.

It reminded her of Triton, the lost baby brother from so long ago. She had held him on a carousel once, it must have been shortly before she lost her parents and Triton too. She remembered the feel of his sweet little body in her arms and the scent of baby shampoo in his soft, brown hair. Remembered being so careful that he wouldn't fall and get hurt. Everyone had said she was as protective as a second mother. She'd only been four years old herself but her mother trusted her to hold onto her two-year-old little brother.

He had been so like Trowa, the same green eyes, the same sweet, quiet nature. She'd unofficially adopted the former Gundam pilot and treated him like a brother. But how she wished it were true. If only he really were her brother. If only he were actually Triton, saved from death by some miracle. But even Cathrine's optimistic nature wouldn't let her believe a two-year-old could have survived that accident, all alone like that. But she liked to believe that Trowa had something of Triton's spirit in him. And perhaps it was destiny that had brought Trowa to her, so she could help him and he could in some way replace the family she had lost. And Trowa had stopped the war, Trowa had brought them all peace. She was so proud of him and now no one would have to lose their family as she had to the senseless whims of war.

Trowa noticed her looking at the carousel with a far-away look in her eyes. What had he ever done, he wondered, to deserve the loyalty and affection he got from Cathrine Bloom. She treated him as if he were her real brother, acted like a protective sister ever since she had found him after the accident in space. And once he'd gotten his memory back he'd never said a word to her about knowing he wasn't really her brother. And neither had she."

When I finish, the first ride is for you Cathy," he said softly."

Oh Trowa!" Cathrine said. "That will be wonderful. But by then you may have found someone special. I won't hold you to that. But I will insist on unlimited free rides.""

Of course," Trowa said. "But there couldn't be anybody more special to me than you Cathrine. I really should thank you for--"

She placed her fingers gently over his mouth. "Trowa, don't thank me. I love you. You are my brother in my heart. I'm the one grateful to you. Now good-night and don't stay up too late," Cathrine said, smiling up at the tall boy. He surprised her with a rare hug. "

I love you too, Cathy. I always will," he whispered. "Good night."

After she left Trowa thought about what she'd said. "Someone special," he repeated to himself. There was a girl. A girl he dreamed about. The image wasn't clear but he knew that if he saw her again he would know her. When he'd gotten his memory back after piloting the Wing Zero it was as if new channels in his mind were open and some things that he'd thought he'd forgotten came back with startling clarity.

Her name was Midii Une. Just a little girl he'd found in the forest one day. Of course he'd only been a child then himself. The leader of the mercenary group he had worked with liked to comment that neither he nor Midii were actually children. Neither of them were interested in anything childish.

With a few exceptions. Midii had that little game she wore around her neck, she was constantly playing with it, wearing a serious little frown of concentration. And himself, whenever he saw a circus his eyes would get big and he would look back until the tents were out of sight. How strange he had ended up working for one in the end.

Of course Midii's game hadn't been a game at all. He'd found that out. She'd betrayed everyone. They'd taken her in after he brought her back. Of course they had. The Alliance knew what it was doing. Who could resist a little girl with long blonde hair and wide blue-gray eyes wandering in the middle of nowhere? None of them had suspected her for an instant. By the time he had it was already too late, everyone dead, except for the two of them.

He'd been angry enough to kill her. But the image that stopped him was still clear in his mind. He could see the wind blowing her hair across her face as she faced him. See the tears welling up in her pretty eyes, overflowing and rolling silently down her cheeks. And he hadn't been able to do it. But he couldn't forgive her either. She told him he was lucky to be alone but he hadn't believed it.

He could still hear her soft voice dying on the wind, begging him not to leave her there. Nanashi. Something had made him turn back to her he wanted her to know his name, he must have one, everyone had a name. It had been almost there, he had almost said it to her. He remembered how close he had been to remembering his real name. But why had he wanted to tell her?

He was an adult now and the crimes of that little girl were understandable. He'd do anything for Cathrine, he knew that. And despite her maturity and talent for espionage Midii had only been a little girl after all. A little girl in the horrible position of betraying people to earn money for her family. The boy he had been could not forgive her, but the man understood and his heart ached for her. And she had saved him, given him that cross so the enemy wouldn't shoot at him.

He thought that that girl, Midii Une, must be the girl that he dreamed of. There'd never been another girl in his life other than Cathrine and he had always felt the sort of affection for her that one felt for a sister. She was beautiful and had a body that would stop traffic but he'd never felt any romantic inclination toward her.

And the dream of the girl was definitely romantic. He looked at one of the painted wooden horses and absently stroked its nose gently, as if it were a real animal. Trowa had an uncanny affinity for animals. He loved their unspoiled innocence. The carousel was part of the dream. In the dream he had just finished it and it was as beautiful as it must have been once, so long ago. Mirrors sparkling and gold trim gleaming softly. He turned and saw a girl standing some distance away looking at his carousel as if it were something she had lost and wanted to find again. He'd find himself suddenly beside her looking down into her wide, forlorn blue-gray eyes. He'd wish he could do something to make her smile. "What is that?" she would always ask, pointing shyly at the carousel. "A carousel," he'd answer. "Some people call them merry-go-rounds. I found it. It was ruined, but I fixed it. Come on."

He'd take her hand and lead her over. "Want to ride?" he'd ask and she always answered that it was too beautiful to ride on."

But I did it for you," he would say. Then he put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on a horse. He leaned over and pushed the start button and after a few times around she was smiling at him. Looking as carefree and innocent as a child. Her hair was the color of tarnished gold and her eyes were big and blue-gray. When the ride slowed down he took her hand in his and she slid off the horse and into his arms. They were smiling at each other and he reached over to press the button to start the ride again.

And as the carousel spun slowly around he kissed her. "Nanashi," she would whisper. He cupped her cheek in his hand and looked in her eyes. "No," he said. "I have a name. It's --"

That was the point when he always woke up.

He went back to work on the carousel. Maybe when it was finished he'd find that girl and remember himself.