Hey there, it's your hostess Midii-chan
and although most of my fics are serious and
angsty I hope you enjoy my occasional little
foray into the realm of humor. Just want to
stress that I love all the Gundam guys, yes,
even Wufei. This is meant as a joke!!

The Real Quatre Winner

(A loving parody of the Real Slim Shady)

by Midii Une
and the Great Saiyagal


May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Quatre Winner please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Quatre Winner please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here . . .

Y'all act like you've never seen a blonde Arab before
Jaws all on the floor like Relena, like Heero just burst in the door
and threatening to destroy her worse than before
but what she really wants is for him to give it to her down on the floor
It's the return of the . . "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
Quatre didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. J said . . . nothing you idiots!
Dr. J's dead! He's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
All of the otaku girls love Shinigami (vocal turntable: chigga,
chigga, chigga) "Duo Maxwell I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around waving his DeathScythe
Flippin' his braid around." "Yeah but he's so cute though."
Yeah I probably got a couple of screws in my head loose,
but no worse than what's going on in my parents bedroom
fooling with test tubes, artificially creating 30 children, or so they tell me
Sometimes I want to get on Zero System and just let loose, but can't
but it's cool for Wufei to call everybody weaklings
However, however
And if I'm lucky I might get to destroy some enemy bases
and that's the message Gundam Wing delivers to little kids
And expect them not to know what an uncut version is
Of course they're gonna know that people bleed
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Cartoon Network, don't they?
We all fly big mechas around
and cut OZ mobile suits open like cantaloupes (*slurp*)
But . . .
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
Right Trowa?
(*EWWW!*) But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Heero wave your spandex shorts, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Quatre Winner, yes I'm the real Quatre
All you other Gundam Pilots are just imitators
So won't the real Quatre Winner please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

Cause I'm Quatre Winner, yes I'm the real Quatre
All you other Gundam Pilots are just imitators
So won't the real Quatre Winner please stand up, please stand up?

The other Gundam pilots don't have to apologize before they kill
well I do, so just call me extra polite or something
You think I give a damn about how I seem
It's nice to say you're sorry before sending people to hell"
But Quatre, what if Heero put you in charge, like he did in that one episode?"
That's true, those other pilots need someone to tell them what to do
It would be so great to be in charge
so I could sit next to Treize Khushrenada and Zechs Merquise
and hear them argue over which suit is cooler, Tallgees 2 or Tallgees
Hell Sandrock would show those two who's the best
I'd scare the crap out of them with my heat shorters and stuff . . .
Ahhh! I'm sick of all you non-anime shows, all you do is annoy me
So Gundam Wing has been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who wear pink shirts like me, have a Maganac Corps like me
Have a best friend who has really long bangs like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

Cause I'm Quatre Winner, yes I'm the real Quatre
All you other Gundam Pilots are just imitators
So won't the real Quatre Winner please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

Cause I'm Quatre Winner, yes I'm the real Quatre
All you other Gundam Pilots are just imitators
So won't the real Quatre Winner please stand up, please stand up?

And every single person could be a Quatre Winner lurkin
Could be workin' at Cinq Kingdom, spittin on Relena's onion rings
or flying around in the air in a Gundam
screaming "We're from outer space, every one of us"
with his hatch open and his Zero System turned on
So, will the real Quatre Winner please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Quatre Winner, yes I'm the real Quatre
All you other Gundam Pilots are just imitators
So won't the real Quatre Winner please stand up
please stand up, please stand up?

Cause I'm Quatre Winner, yes I'm the real Quatre
All you other Gundam Pilots are just imitators
So won't the real Quatre Winner please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a Quatre Winner in all of us
(Beep) it, Let's all stand up

The end