(or The Tragical Misadventures of Trowa and the
Sisters Une)
A Romantic Farce By
Midii Une
(in response to
Nightheart’s Fanfiction Challenge)
Author’s Note:
First, Don’t kill me because this isn’t POR!! I’m just thrilled to be writing
anything again and that’s a good sign that I might have the confidence to start
working on POR soon. I really need your
support! Secondly, a family
relationship between Midii and Lady is strongly hinted at in the epilogue to
the Episode Zero manga series and I’m pleased to finally get a chance to
explore it, albeit in a comic setting. It’s nice to take a tongue in cheek look
at a subject I usually take way too seriously.
Forgive me Trowa, you really get shafted in this piece but it is done
out of love and devotion to you and GW…Also, I feel that half the credit for
this fic should really go to Nightheart, I jump from element to element totally
inspired by her challenge parameters, she’s practically this story’s co-author
and I never would have written it without her.
Disclaimer: Gundam
Wing does not belong to me!
I’m in enough
trouble with the fairer sex already so never tell Miss Relena that I
said this.
Peace may be
achieved on a universal level but it is a goal that can never be reached in a
domestic relationship.
My story starts out
badly, becomes even worse, reaches heights of ecstatically painful bliss,
plummets to the depths of degradation and ends in a place that even the great
author Dante would be unsure whether to describe as Paradise or the Inferno…..
How to begin? It was the afternoon of my engagement and
the two women who felt it was their responsibility to make sure I made a proper
appearance were my sister Cathrine and my Preventer partner Sally Po.
Sally often said
she loved to work with a quiet man because it was almost like working
alone. Sally and I got along fine,
perhaps because my predecessor was one Chang Wufei. From her telltale smirk I could tell that Sally was flirting with
Wufei over my shoulder as she pushed Cathy aside and straightened my tie. She clucked a little, the mother hen that
lurks in all women coming to the forefront, as she brushed invisible lint from
my dark suit jacket.
I felt queasy as
she and Cathy exchanged knowing maternal glances and cooed in an odd harmony
that almost seemed designed to lull me to sleep. However, some strange instinct had enough adrenaline pulsing
through my veins to give 10 men insomnia.
Something was coming and it wasn’t the obvious or anything as mundane as
common cold feet.
The obvious was
that I was becoming engaged. The
prospect, though not really exhilarating, was a comfortable, almost foregone,
conclusion. We had always admired each
other’s assets from the moment we met on Space Fortress Barge. At the time of course we did nothing to
assuage that first hint of sexual hunger because of the awkward difference in
our age, and frankly, our heights. Not
to mention her inconvenient obsession with the leader of the Dark Forces, err,
the Honorable Treize Khushrenada, Sovereign of the World Nation, etc. and so
forth.
Once I’d overtaken
her in height and our ages were reduced to a slightly risqué older
woman-younger man scenario things progressed rapidly, and might I say,
lustily? Our relationship quickly
became very serious and headed toward a stable permanent future because Lady
wished it. What Lady wants, she
gets. I didn’t mind, I have been a
soldier since I was born.
I kind of liked
being commanded, liked calling her ma’am, liked untangling her braids and
tossing aside her glasses after a long, grueling day at the agency. And I more than tolerated being made to take
rose-scented baths in the anachronistic Greek Temple. Lady’s temple contained a generously-built hot tub that she’d had
constructed on a hill overlooking the dilapidated vineyard. She was the sole owner of an elegant estate
in Germany’s breathtaking Rhine Valley.
For some reason that I have yet been unable to determine, my taking that
rose-scented bath and pretending to order her around makes her melt like an ice
cube on hot pavement.
So at that precise
instant, for me, life was fairly good.
Until the party. Lady insisted
on inviting the entire Preventer Agency, of which she was the commander, a
reunion of sorts she called it. She
also invited many assorted Unes, whom it seemed she’d ignored in her rise to
power since well before the wars of AC 195.
Thus it was that I
was standing innocently, well as innocently as a man who’s killed hundreds and
maimed thousands can stand, by Lady’s side.
A butler had just handed me a glass freshly poured from a bottle of the
very finest vintage wine. I was just
about to take a sip when my life was turned completely upside down.
I can tell you now
that this wasn’t the first time she’d done it.
No, not Lady. Lady stood beside me smiling happily, one
hand tucked into the crook of my elbow the other resting on the shoulder of her
young ward MarieMaia Barton. No
relation to me of course, though it did send a chill down my spine when the
red-headed sprite called me Uncle Trowa and eyed me in the very oddest manner.
No, it wasn’t Lady,
my newly-announced fiancée who set my heart dropping to my feet, spinning in my
stomach and lodging in my throat.
It was her.
At this moment I
feel it necessary to remind everyone of the fact that my friend Heero Yuy had
an odd habit during the war of making very random but oddly astute statements
concerning various OZ transport vehicles and obscure Alliance medical
structures. Often the rest of us heard
him muttering those things over the coms that mysteriously linked our brains
and allowed us to hear what each of us was saying at any given moment and we
heard his crazy laughter. Suffice it to say these moments left us all feeling a
little bit like maybe we were the normal ones.
Anyway, in this
time of relative peace Heero had turned his odd talent, learned at the hands of
Dr. J to make him the ultimate weapon, to assessing women. At least whenever he was able to escape the
small, possessive hand of Miss Relena.
And if she’s reading this, even though I specifically designated that
she should not, let me say what a lovely, delicate hand it is. So, as I gaped at the newcomer, my heart
traveling sickeningly through my body and draining the blood from my face and
the volume from my bangs in one heart-stopping instant, Heero materialized at
my side.
“Natural blonde,
not from the bottle. Breasts 38 C cup,
from the looks of them they were surgically enhanced by cosmetic surgeon James
Crossman at Alliance Military Medical Facility #149870, Marseilles area. Waist 22 inches, hips—hmmm, let me see, silk
dress, doesn’t add inches, hips 32 inches.
Target acquired.”
Heero started to
prowl slowly toward his assessed prey while I stood my ground, unable to speak
or move, simply rooted where I stood. Thankfully
that’s when Miss Relena intercepted him and dragged him, err lead him, back
toward the tea table. Quatre had
converted her to prohibition it seemed.
Just then Lady let
out a little shriek and an embarrassing giggle.
“OOOOh Trowa!! Is
that your flute down your pants or are you just happy we’re finally official?”
The entire
gathering turned as one and stared at me, they all started laughing and it felt
like being in a nightmare with me being the object of ridicule, unable to move
and on top of everything, seeing her again.
Right at that
moment, she also saw me and as I watched the blood drain from her face
and the volume seem to dissipate from the waves of hair that softly framed her
face I noticed her going through a rapid-fire version of the five stages of
grief. First, there was denial that I had found someone else. Then there was anger, unfortunately she kind
of stalled on this step, anger, or in her case, rage. Her ice blue eyes glittered menacingly and a wicked smile curved
her pouting pink lips as she lifted her hand to caress a string of pearls that
circled her neck and dipped into the curve of her breasts. A part of me reacted that I couldn’t
control, thus initiating Lady’s embarrassing flute comment.
I automatically
started scanning the skies, dreading a rain of bombs and the descent of hordes
of mobile suits. When she begins
playing with her jewelry those are the kinds of things that tend to happen. I
know from experience.
But nothing
happened and only the flower petals MarieMaia was tossing in bored abandon from
her small wicker basket fluttered listlessly in the air. She just stood there, knowing that
she was perfectly framed beneath the white trellis archway rimmed with clumps
of pale violet clematis flowers. She
has a way of standing like a small graceful forest creature pausing at the edge
of the trees and you capture her just at that moment when she is trying to
decide whether to go forward or back.
That was how she looked when I first say her and it was how she looked
now. Well, taking into account the completely accurate truth of Heero’s
assessment and the fact that I was well past puberty she looked a whole lot
better.
Poetic isn’t
it? Lady says I can be quite poetical
at such times but I’m quite sure Commander Une wouldn’t approve the object of
my poetry. Because of course we have
just become irrevocably engaged.
Then it happened as
I knew it would. Duo Maxwell started to
misbehave.
“Duo! Put that
rubber chicken away,” Hilde, his long-suffering girlfriend, yelled in the voice
she used to shout at her junkyard employees.
Suffice it to say every man at our elegant party cringed and looked
about guiltily. “You promised to leave
it at home!”
Duo ignored Hilde’s
nagging and grasped the hideous object about the head, squeezing it so the beak
moved as he clucked and pecked at Hilde’s neck.
In irritation
Hilde, for the millionth time, threw up her hands and told Duo in a no-nonsense
voice:
“It’s all over
pal!”
As she disappeared
into the midst of her female compatriots, Cathy and Sally among them, I heard
her murmur, “Women really rule the world, the men just don’t know it!”
All her friends
nodded agreement and disappeared into what is commonly called a group hug.
That’s when she
made her move.
“I think bringing a
rubber chicken to such a lovely party is a sign of great good humor and very
obvious good taste,” she said in a sweet, sultry voice. She batted her long black lashes at Duo. She
needn’t have bothered. She was female.
He was Duo. ‘Nough said.
She caressed the
rubber chicken suggestively and leaned close to Duo, whispering in his
ear. I saw him blush, before he grabbed
her hand and the two of them ran off to where Duo had parked his motorcycle
without a look back at me or at Hilde.
That’s when Lady’s
hand on my arm began trembling. I tore
my eyes away from Duo’s flight to look at the woman at my side. Her long brown hair fell, curving gently
against her slender shoulders and her big brown eyes were filled with hurt
tears that sparkled on her lashes.
What could be
wrong? Had she noticed that my “flute”
had not been caused by excitement about the engagement but by another cause
completely? Again I held my breath, my
heart pounding in my chest.
“My little sister,”
she cried, nay, sobbed. “She hasn’t
forgiven me, she’ll never forgive! Oh
Trowa, go after her, I need her forgiveness before we can get married.”
“Your little
sister,” I asked suspiciously.
“Yes,” she sniffed,
looking up at my pleadingly. “My
half-sister who disappeared in AC 190.
Her name is Midii. Midii Une.”
“Oh, okay,” I said,
trying to be nonchalant but actually thrilled to have the opportunity to chase
after them and rip Duo’s throat out.
“But where did Duo go?”
Hilde shrugged. Heero shrugged. Quatre
shrugged. Wufei scowled and ignored me.
Cathy put a
thoughtful finger to her chin and then brightened, her eyes sparkling with
mischief.
“Maybe they went to
that old weapons bunker that Duo uses to conduct his illicit love affairs,” she
said, shrugging her shoulders and laughing softly and nostalgically to herself.
As I ran off to
find Lady’s lost little sister, my own first love, or was she my first deadly
enemy, I saw Hilde tackling Cathy and trying to pull her hair out. I also wondered exactly what I was going to
do when I found Midii. Because suddenly
I was like a kid in a candy store. I
wanted Lady and I wanted her little sister Midii. I wanted it all…little did I
know then that two Unes were not better than one, or were they? To this day I
can’t decide…
Anyway, I followed
the black skid marks to Duo’s hideaway.
As I approached I heard pulsing music throbbing in the air, wafting
through the thick rubber blackout curtains at the bunker’s small windows. I heard a rhythmic pounding and a woman’s
soft gasps and a man’s throaty moans.
Furious with
jealousy and curiosity I flung open the door and saw the two of them moving
together as one, sweat trickling down the sides of their passionately intent
faces.
I couldn’t help but
watch them and admire. They had such awesome unity and no intricate move seemed
beyond them. They did things I had
never seen done before. Forward and
back and up and down and up and down…I almost didn’t want it to end, but end it
must.
They were playing
Dance Dance Revolution.
|
"That's
enough," I shouted as Duo prepared to choose a new dance number. I was
angry with myself for having thought they were good. Besides it was
hard to look meaningfully into her luminous eyes during the afterglow because
somehow, during the heat of our moments together, her elbow must have smacked
repeatedly into the select arrow on the DDR mat and now the game console was
blaring out the same obnoxious tune (pick one) over and over. Once in awhile the announcer would shout
Awesome! Or You’re a Legend! Or Keep it Going. I’m a sexy beast but even I can only keep it going so long. “We have to go,”
I ventured, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t be obstinate. “Why,” she
pouted. “I like it here,” she added
unreasonably. “Besides where would we
go?” Her delicate
fingers started reaching to caress her necklace so I took immediate action
and cradled both her small hands in mine.
After all that time and the new intimacy of our relationship she still
scared the shit out of me and I knew she wouldn’t like what I was going to
say. “Lady’s waiting
for us. She wants you to forgive
her.” “I will never
forgive my sister. Her sins against
me can never be forgiven. I
despise her,” Midii hissed in a venomous voice. “Dare one ask
just what happened between you,” I queried. Midii looked at
me quizzically for a second, her soulful blue eyes seemed to ask why I was
speaking in such an odd manner, then her attention turned back to her own problems. “Lady was the
oldest. She was Daddy’s
favorite! She got to work for the
‘Specials’ while I had to settle for the Alliance,” she sniffed, tears
starting to stream down her pale, porcelain cheeks. She was crying
stormily now and finding it hard to continue. I held her close in sympathy.
It wasn’t bad because I got to cop a feel now and then as she
continued to weep in my embrace. “And there’s one
more thing,” she finally hiccupped softly. What,” I
prompted, nearly fearing to discover what horrible thing Lady had done to her
little sister. She was capable of a
lot certainly. In fact she confessed
to me once that only Heero’s quick action stopped her from blowing up a
school full of spoiled, rich, snobby kids that eventually grew up to be some
of the greediest corporate minds now running (not to mention scamming) the
universe. Finally poor
Midii found the strength to speak again. “Daddy never got
me a pony,” she wailed finally. “Lady
had two ponies, Black Star and Strawberry Shortcake, but Daddy never got me
one. I really, really hate her!!” With a resiliency
that startled me Midii suddenly cheered up in an about face that reminded me
of nothing more than her sister the first time we’d met. Then Lady had gone from calm and assured
to a quivering jelly of confusion and self-doubt. Now Midii had just transformed from a quivering jelly of
thwarted childishness and immaturity to a calm and assured woman. “You’re right of
course,” she said. “I must go home
and confront my sister, after all it’s as much my home as it is hers. We’ll
clear up this engagement mess and everything will be perfect won’t it
Nanashi?” “Trowa,” I said. She blinked at
me. “Whatever, Nanashi.” The party had
continued in our absence. Preventers
never abandon their commander and besides there was still plenty of caviar to
consume and champagne to be drunk.
Everyone but Duo was accounted for. We stood together
in front of Lady, who beamed at Midii with the same radiant smile she always
gave MarieMaia. The creepy kid stuck
close to Lady, no doubt anxious not to let Midii get the upper hand. She never forgot just how close she had
come to actually ruling the world, luckily she had never been allowed to read
the important military documents that showed just how narrow of a defeat her
army had suffered or she might have tried again. In an effort to
break the tension I gently pushed Midii forward a bit as we all stood
awkwardly in the parlor. “She followed me
home,” I quipped, trying to shatter the icy formality between them. “Can we keep her?” No one laughed at
my little joke but it did have the desired effect of getting the conversation
between the two estranged sisters going. “You came
Midii! I’m so glad. You see I’ve been wanting to ask your
forgiveness for everything that happened during the war. I was so confused much of the time, but
now that you’re here I’m sure we can—“ Midii broke into
Lady’s affectionate speech with irritated impatience. “I’m not here to
reconcile with you! You can never be
forgiven for all the things you’ve done.
I’m here to claim my rights to this house and to Nanashi,” she said,
crossing her arms over her Alliance-manufactured chest and smiling
challengingly at her older sister. “Err,
Nanashi? I don’t know who you mean,”
Lady said. “Was he one of the ponies
you were always whining about?” “No, he wasn’t a
pony,” Midii said. “I mean him.” She pointed at me
of course. I felt like crawling
underground. For the second time
today everyone was staring at me and I hated being the object of so much
unwanted attention. Lady lifted one
of her elegantly-arched brows and rose to meet Midii’s challenge. “Oh my dear
sister, you are in for a disappointment.
We’re engaged and the date is set.
How could you love him anyway if you only set eyes on him today? He’s a hunk no doubt, but not of the
caliber of Mr. Treize of course,” she said. “Hey!” I
protested vehemently, but neither noticed.
The rest of my protests were choked off by the pressure of a sudden
fierce glomping (for want of a better word). Midii had leaped on me and was
clinging to my chest and arms so tightly I could barely breathe. “You couldn’t be
more off base,” she cried, hugging me tighter if that was possible. “I’ve loved him for years. I gave him my heart when I was 10 years
old for Chrissake! Beat that kind of
devotion you militaristic bitch. I
saw him first and he’s mine. Half
this house is mine. You owe me for
everything I’ve ever suffered because of you.” I think that when
Midii called Lady a militaristic bitch that all hope of reconciliation was
lost. Quatre sidled up to me and
whispered sympathetically in my ear. “Two such
dangerous women! You sure are brave Trowa,” he said “Well what about
you and Dorothy,” I countered. “She’s at least as dangerous a Lady and
Midii.” I said, anxious to stand up
for them even though they were getting quite scary, I guess that’s true love
times two. “She’s a sweet
girl, if you take off the implements of destruction and the massive property
damage that seems to always follow in her wake,” Quatre said, his aquamarine
eyes resting lovingly on his ‘sweet girl.’
I guess she really wasn’t that bad as long as she wasn’t wearing the
Zero System helmet, truthfully without it she was all talk. I turned my
attention back to Lady, who was about to really open a can of worms. “Listen Midii,
I’ve slept with him and you haven’t so that’s all there really is to it,” she
said, speaking slowly as if Midii were stupid and wouldn’t understand. Oh no, oh no, oh
no, I was really going to be in for it… “Of course I’ve
slept with Nanashi. My body is still tingling from his electric caresses,”
Midii revealed happily, beaming with a feeling of superiority. “You little tramp
and your two-bit boob job!! You
seduced him,” Lady shouted, her eyes narrowing and glinting more insanely
than I’d ever seen them. Now I knew
what General Septem had seen in his last seconds of life and it wasn’t
pretty. “My boob job was
done by the best in the business and I’ve been very pleased with the
results,” Midii retorted, face flushed furiously. “I was pleased
too,” I found myself saying, too late to stop myself. Lady turned
angrily upon me when suddenly everyone’s attention was pulled from the
scintillating sight of two beautiful women preparing to scratch each other’s
eyes out to the equally entertaining sight of a horse and rider appearing
mysteriously at the fourth floor parlor window. “Ohhhh,”
everyone, including Midii, gasped.
They bolted toward the window as if fleeing a sinking ship. It was Heero of
course. Since the war he could never
long tolerate not being the center of attention. Therefore he was showing off by jumping one of Lady’s
thoroughbreds as high as the poor creature could go. “I’ve heard
there’s a first time for everything but I can’t imagine him doing THAT with
the horse he rode in on,” this from one of Relena’s entourage of
social-climbing friends who never ceased amazement at Heero’s superhuman
equestrian skills. “Actually I’d like
to imagine him doing something like that with me.” “Back off or
you’ll be sorry,” Relena threatened, her cerulean blue eyes cold and
menacing. “But Miss
Relena,” her groupie gasped. “I
thought you were a pacifist! You wouldn’t really hurt me?” Which just goes
to show love always overcomes philosophy. Lady had seen it
all before and was much harder to impress. She took the opportunity when
Midii was distracted by Heero’s performance to order me upstairs to her
boudoir to talk in private. I agreed,
when she gave a direct order I couldn’t say no. One of the things I loved about her. Once up in the
bedroom however I suddenly wished she had chosen the hot tub for our talk, in
there I made the rules and she followed.
In the bedroom it was a different story, I was helpless and she gave
the commands. Crap, bad strategy
Trowa, bad strategy. Distracted as I
was by analyzing my own bad strategy, which is a weakness of mine, I was
roused from my thoughts by the snap of an electroshock collar around my neck. “How could you
sleep with Midii? She’s my younger
sister and you knew it. It’s almost
like incest,” she scolded. Aaaah, not
incest! Totally untrue and unfounded
rumors of an incestuous relationship between myself and Cathrine still
haven’t died out in the fanfiction community and now this. Now hear this everyone, we are
brother and sister, go read Episode Zero for the love of HeavyArms. Ahem, well at
this point you may be wondering why I, being a Gundam pilot, couldn’t easily escape
a room without being effected much by an electroshock collar. I thought so too and I did accomplish it
once, but OWWWW, it really, really hurt. Something in my brain just won’t let
me do it again. Thinking about that
time, I whimpered softly and sat obediently on the edge of the bed, my eyes
lowered humbly to the carpet where I studied the tips of her black patent
leather shoes. Hmm, was that her white lace underwear I could see reflected
in them? Just when I was beginning to
think this might end up quite pleasurably she moved away. When I dared to glance up I noticed her
robotically braiding her hair as she looked in the long oval mirror standing
in the corner. I knew then that
I had to get out of the situation, but no, OWWWW, remembered pain, couldn’t
move… In a flying leap
she had straddled me on the bed. I was trapped. “Now Lieutenant,”
she began, she always called me Lieutenant even though I never was one, when
she was wearing braids. “Now
Lieutenant you are going to drop that disgusting little French tart and marry
me aren’t you? End of discussion!” At that moment
Midii appeared at the doorway, she must have finally torn her attention from
Heero’s astounding horsemanship and discovered that we had disappeared. “Oh, this is
disgusting. You’re into being
dominated. Well fine, I’ll give you an order my little soldier boy: Nanashi
get out here right now and run away with me!!!” I just whimpered,
pain, remembered pain…. “She’s kind of
protective,” I finally gasped. “Just
help me out of this electroshock collar and…” I heard Dorothy
Catalonia cackling as she joined Midii in the doorway. “Oh dear,” she
said. “Poor Trowa’s stuck behind his
invisible fence like the good little pet he is. You’re just Lady’s dog
wagging his tail, or are you the tail being wagged by the dog?” She laughed at
her own joke. I snarled at her and
wished to attack her but no, OWWWW , remembered pain… “How can you be
so cruel,” Midii asked Lady, tears streaming down her lovely, pale
cheeks. Everyone had followed
her and Dorothy to Lady’s boudoir.
Great, now everyone had seen me in the electroshock collar. If I survived this day I’d never live it
down. The whole group looked
sympathetically at Midii, she was great at getting people to feel sorry for
her. “You always got
everything, from the ponies, to this house to our father’s love. Because of you I had to become a spy and
hurt people. I deserve Nanashi.” “Ha! That’s only half the story,” Lady
said. “It’s all your fault that I’ve
been cursed with two personalities.” They stood
glaring at each other and I could see the group of my friends trying to
decide which woman was in the right.
Finally both women looked at me and Lady spoke at last. “Well! Say
something Lieutenant,” she ordered. “And here I
thought you liked my meditative pauses,” I said softly, stalling her and
giving myself more time to think. I
had a reputation for always saying something right on target and very
touching at just the proper moment.
Then I realized something. “Both of you are
lying,” I said, looking at them from sad emerald green eyes. “Nothing either of you have said today is
canon.” “Canon?’ they
said together. “I mean nothing
is true to the Gundam Wing storyline.
You Midii betrayed me not because of Lady but to get enough money to
feed your sick father and three little brothers. You Lady have two personalities because of your feelings for
Treize,” I informed them smugly. “Ohhhh,” the
gathered onlookers gasped, impressed by my knowledge of GW back story. But hey, I had actually lived it. There was even a gratifying spattering of
applause. “Oh it’s canon
all right,” Lady said finally. “You
only know half the story.” “Yes,” Midii
agreed, finally they agreed on something.
“The writer’s can’t tell everything you know. You must realize that
there are situations that occurred before the storyline that had a great
impact on our personalities and future actions.” They sounded very
much like real sisters at that moment and I almost felt the faint sting of
tears in my eyes. “My mother died
when I was very young and Father hired a low-class French governess named
GiGi to look after me,” Lady told us.
“It’s rather cliché of course but she and Father had an affair. When she became pregnant with Midii he
married her. It ruined my life and
was the start of my split personalities, my relationship with Treize was the
final straw but the beginnings came from that childhood shock. Father tried
everything to make me happy after that.
He even gave me two ponies, Strawberry Shortcake for my saintly moods
and Black Star for my more militaristic times. However it didn’t help.
Midii and her mother had stolen part of my father’s love and she was
always jealous and whining!” “Awww,” everyone
said, looking at Lady admiringly. She
had won the favor of the crowd and we all looked at Midii judgmentally. “That’s not the
whole story either,” Midii was quick to add.
“My mother also died when I was young, shortly after my three little
brothers Armand, Louis and Lestat were born.” We all looked at
her blankly. What odd names for three
little boys, and they sounded very unoriginal as if we’d heard them somewhere
before. “Well,” she
explained, sensing everyone’s discomfort.
“After my mother became Lady Une she spent all her time laying about
eating bon bons and reading Anne Rice novels.” “Ohhhhhh,”
everyone said, nodding understandingly. “Anyway, after
mother died Lady left home to join the Specials,” Midii continued. “I was only 8 at the time but I guess it
was probably when one of her militaristic moods was upon her. We never heard from her again. Daddy grew ill from worry and then one day
we were informed that the estate had been taken away from us because we were
traitors. It was all because of
her. She had ruined our family out of
spite because Daddy had fallen in love with my beautiful mother. We were poor and I was forced to spy for
the Alliance so we could live!” “Awwwwww,”
everyone said, their sympathy instantly switching to Midii’s side of the
fence. “I have the
solution to your problem ladies and I’m sure it will be something lovely to
behold,” Dorothy announced, she had been watching the acrimony unfold with
avid interest. With that she tossed
Lady and Midii each an untipped fencing foil that she pulled from hammerspace. “You should duel
for his love! It’ll be beautiful,”
Dorothy said, clasping her hands between her breasts. I briefly wondered if they were real or
not and if she’d been to the same Alliance surgeon Midii had. Probably not, Heero would definitely have
mentioned it. But soon my attention was pulled back to the two loves of my
life. “Not fair,” Midii
cried, backing away from the menacing tip of Lady’s blade. “Daddy never got me fencing lessons.” Duo had finally
arrived back at the party and was acting as booky, taking bets on which of
the Une sisters would end up victorious. They fought, a
furiously blurred frenzy of parries and repartees, and Midii actually held up
pretty well. Suddenly she had Lady backed against the wall. “But of course I
spied on your lessons with Monsieur D’Artagnan, the fencing master, and
learned everything you did,” she announced smugly. Lady fought her back and the battle went on more fiercely than
before. By this time my
loyal friend Quatre had come in and at last removed the electroshock
collar. I gingerly crept thought the
doorway, the lingering memory of remembered pain in my subconscious slowing
me a bit.
“Yes, you
shouldn’t be fighting at all,” Quatre chimed in. They ignored us,
intent on their duel and it was then I realized something. It wasn’t even about me. Sibling rivalry takes precedence even over
the love of a good man. I walked away,
hands in pockets, to go and brood, alone, always alone, in my circus trailer. Alone, as I was,
I found myself jotting and doodling lyrics to sad, lonely songs. I wrote such
things as Love is a Shooting Star, and the word lonely featured in it over
and over. Lonely. Then one day when
I was really lonely, the phone rang. It was
Midii! I was really happy to see her
face on the vidcom, I had been so horny, I mean lonely. “Oh Nanashi, I’m
expecting our child,” she announced.
It seemed she had forgiven and forgotten my abandonment. Quatre and Cathy had informed me that her
duel with Lady had ended in a draw. I raced over to
the OB-GYN offices in a nearby town to meet her. The nurse looked me up and down as I stood next to my petite,
pregnant lover. “And let me
guess, they call you Little John,” she joked, grinning at my height. Midii stood up for me, rubbing her cheek
lovingly against my elbow, which was as high as she stood next to me “There’s nothing
small about Nanashi,” she purred contentedly. Before Midii
could reveal more details about me to the interested nurse the doctor called
us in and it was all true. We were
going to be parents. I heard my child’s heartbeat and saw the little product
of our love on the ultrasound screen. I cried sparkly tears as I noticed the
small heart beating like a butterfly’s wings. My decision was made for me.
It was Midii, my sweet, innocent little first love. She was
right. She HAD seen me first. For a very brief
moment I was at peace. We walked
carefully down the steps of the doctor’s office. I held her elbow
protectively, she was happily clutching her bag of prenatal vitamins and
instruction books, as well as the cute little black and white image of our
microscopic bundle of joy when my cell rang. It was Sally. “Get to HQ now
Trowa,” she hissed. “Lady’s gone
crackers, we’re terrified in here! She’s got one half her hair up in a braid
and the other loose and frankly we’re scared. In a word—HELP! You’re
the only one who has a chance of calming her down, Heero’s on vacation.” I had to help my
comrades. Luckily Midii was lost in
maternal bliss so I was able to deposit her with Cathy for safe-keeping. I ignored the look of terror the mother of
my child gave me when my sister forced her into a rocking chair, started
cooing over her and offering soup. But I had to help my friends and I knew
she’d be safe, if not happy, with Cathy. With excruciating
slowness I tread up the forty floors of stairs to Lady’s penthouse office at
Preventer HQ. If I’d used her private
elevator she’d have known I was coming and probably prepared the portable
electroshock collar she kept in her office. Hours later I
arrived at the top floor. My
co-workers gave me harried looks that were a mixture of fear of Lady and
gratitude that I had come to save them.
My face paled as I heard a terrifying combination of laughing and
crying from inside her office. I
dared to peep through the keyhole and Sally was right, she had reverted to
some odd combination of her two personalities—saint and colonel. Tender feelings
for my dear Lady returned. I had
first felt attracted to her on such an occasions, the one I mentioned earlier
on Space Fortress Barge. Her
vulnerability at such times really played on my heartstrings. I momentarily forgot about the sweet
little mother-to-be I’d left at the mercy of my obsessively coddling sister
and rushed in to be at the side of my beloved ex-fiancee. “Darling! What’s wrong,” I cried, cradling her
trembling form in my strong, muscular arms. Sobbing, she
pulled a small white stick with a bright blue tip from her top desk drawer
and showed it to me. “Oh,” I said, as
she fell back into my arms and cried in a burst of hormonal spontaneity all
over my shirt. “Lady’s just pregnant,
we’re going to be all right everyone,” Sally announced. I could hear the sounds of the female
Preventers beginning to plan baby showers and quilting bees. My head started reeling and I felt cold,
so cold. Quatre appeared
by my side, as always he was there for me as soon as I needed a best friend.
I seriously hoped he planned to blow me up and send my injured,
amnesia-wracked body out to float in space because suddenly I was in a whole
lot of trouble and right back where I’d started six weeks before. “Wow Trowa, your
sexual prowess is amazing. I’m really
impressed! You got two women pregnant
at once,” he said, pumping my hand enthusiastically as if some of my
prodigious testosterone might rub off on him. He kind of needed it I was forced to admit. “Yeah,” I agreed
half-heartedly, Midii’s pet name for me springing to mind. “I’m a real imbecile.” “Uh, yeah, that
too,” he agreed, eying me oddly. “Quatre, I think
I need help and fast,” I said in a very small voice. “Oh, yes, let me
think,” he said kindly. I was hopeful, for after all Quatre was our finest
strategist. “I’ve got it,” he
said finally, beaming at me. “Trowa,
I’ll adopt you and everything will be fine.” So that’s how I
became a Winner. Of course, being a
Winner I was entitled to the Arabic hereditary right of polygamy which is
available to no other ethnicity on the Earth or colonies. Thus ends our
story. I may not enjoy domestic
bliss, but then again I’ll never be lonely, though there are times I pray for
a moment to myself. Soon our little
family of three will be five, six including Mariemaia. I just hope our children get along better
than their mothers do. Just in case,
we shall have a weapon-free household and everyone will have their own
pony. Also I signed a pre-marital
agreement with Lady never to hire a French governess. Hmm, I think I’ve
learned something from all this, as Quatre’s only brother I think I’ll sue
him for part of his inheritance in order to support my lovely wives and our
future offspring. After all, I had a
terrible childhood… The End |
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